5 Tips on Asking for What You Want in a Relationship
We all have unique needs and wants from our romantic relationship. Unfortunately, many people don’t know how to effectively ask for they want and either end up accusing their partners and making them feel like failures or not bringing it up at all and stewing in resentment. Successful relationships have open communication from both partners. Here are some tips on achieving that with your significant other.
Avoid Using ‘You’ Language
Saying “You made me feel terrible when you didn’t introduce me to your friends” or “You always leave the bathroom a mess and it infuriates me” comes across as an accusation and your partner is likely to either shut down or attack. Try using language like “I feel left out when I’m not introduced to people” and “It’s important to me that the bathroom is tidy so I can start out my day on a good note.” By switching it from ‘you’ to ‘I’, you take the accusatory tone out of your suggestions and instead focus on your own feelings.
Be Very Careful of the Words ‘Always’ and ‘Never’
It may seem like your partner never helps out with household chores or always lays on the couch instead of talking to you while you make dinner, but that’s very unlikely to be true. Using ‘always’ and ‘never’ language ups the drama factor and can make your partner feel like a failure. If you need to address a situation, focus on that single situation and avoid generalizations that are most likely inaccurate.
Watch Your Tone
What you say is often not nearly as important as how you say it. It’s easy to snap at your partner when you’re feeling irritated, frustrated, or sad. Taking a moment to process your own feelings and then addressing them in a more relaxed and loving tone can completely change a conversation and end up in resolution instead of a fight.
Make Sure It’s a Two-Way Conversation
Yes, you should be able to ask for what you want more (and less) of in a relationship—but your partner should be able to as well. If you find you’re the only one asking, try talking to your partner about what he or she wants to see in the relationship. When you both word toward making your relationship happier, it’s a win-win.
Shine a Light on What They Do Right
So you’ve asked your significant other to let you know when he’ll be home late for work and he’s forgotten to do so four times out of five. It’s easy to harp on those four times, but it’s much more effective to shine the light on the fifth. When you compliment and praise your partner on what they do right instead of focusing on what they do wrong, you make them feel good about themselves and they’ll naturally want to do more of it.
Happy relationships are all about communication and the efforts of both individuals to continue improving. By using the above five tips, you can improve on how you ask for what you want to get better results.